Baby and Brother

There is a very specific dynamic between two boys-- especially two brothers. They play so much differently than boy-girl or girl-girl pairs. Hudson is not even the same kid with the neighborhood girls as he is with his brother. One minute they are best buds and the other 59 minutes (of every. single. hour.) they are just trying to figure out how to protect their space, body block their possessions, and grumpily address one the other.

It makes me very tired.

I look at these two pictures taken one immediately after the other and laugh to see how they perfectly encapsulate how they are with each other. Tucker almost has a look of adoration towards his "baby" in the first one. And then, literally seconds later, they are ready to spar with one another.

No sense of trying to figure it all out. Instead I will focus on learning how far to let them go before I pry them apart, how much screaming I can take, and mostly how not to go freaking crazy until the day when one of them decides they are ready to go out into the big world independent of the other.

Honkey

Tucker's new mispronunciation: honkey. 
As in, Hudson says, "Mom, I am starving'" and Tucker adds, "Yes! I honkey too!"

Low Point.

The African saying is "it takes a village to raise a child" and most American parents, I think, we would like to add "and electronics" to the end of it.

Last Wednesday, I hit rock bottom. The morning was a huge stress ball of reality when the bank was unwilling to delve any personal banking information to me about my own accounts. Since 53rd is the bank Josh had first, I am listed as a subordinate versus a joint account on just about everything. (Nevermind that I have had my business accounts with them for 5 years….) So, I was unable to get any information about our credit card PINs without the paperwork proving I have Power of Attorney of banking. In China you can not use a credit card without knowing the PIN for it. I think the only time you need this security feature in the US is if you are getting a cash withdrawal.

When you are a married couple, you don't think about things like Power of Attorney. You know that the bank has accepted my signature as his signature for the past 10 years and just assume that you have some rights to the his personal information. No matter that I am the one that pays the bills. Alas, I digress…

So the morning was rough. And then I took my little people to the travel doctor for our consultation and shots. I had been weighing the pros and cons of who should get their shot first all morning…the overly dramatic 5 year old or the little teeny one who seems so helpless? The kids were both animals at the doctor's office, where we sat in a real room with a desk and a couch and talked for an hour about every single possible health issue from water to parasites to food to street safety to major health emergencies. Not really anything of interest to little men. The gorgeous space was filled with about 700 seemingly rare and breakable looking artifacts from Dr. Jones's trips. My nerves were shot before I made the last minute (and best decision) to take the kids for their shots one at a time with Tucker going first. He screamed and cried, but was over it with a sucker. Hudson, on the other hand, had a massive heart attack and was so tense by the time she whipped out the needle, I was doing some WWF moves just to keep him on the examination table with me. It was exhausting.

We arrived home and I made everyone lay down. Even me. And when we got up an hour later and needed to get ready for the final preschool program at school, the fun really began.

Hudson got up first. Well, tried to. As soon as he stood, he hit the ground. Wailing. Sobbing. Begging me to "take the needle out of his leg". I did my best to console him and went to get Tucker up and dressed. He didn't even make it completely standing in his crib before he fell down crying "Pain. Pain. Pain." I went and grabbed the medicine and started dosing out pain relief intermixed with hugs as we formed a huge pileup on the kitchen floor.

I finally got them out the door carrying Tucker and with Hudson hobbling by my side. It was pouring rain and we were officially soaked by the time we made it into the school: Tucker, unwilling to put his feet on the ground, and Hudson hanging on me like a coat on a coatrack. I just stood there outside Tucker's classroom and cried.

As a single parent I was a total FAIL.

Hudson's sweet teacher came over to help. Eventually I got Tucker to hold his own weight and  was willing to go into the class. Hudson's teacher stayed with him while big brother and I went into the auditorium to watch the program. After a couple of minutes I received multiple pictures from the teacher showing Mr. T playing with the kids and doing just fine. Tucker was a champ. He walked all the way down the aisle of the church, sang his little songs, and smiled. He fell off the steps trying to go back to his seat, but he did not cry.

I am grateful for the village that helped me get through that day --and the electronics which showed me he was okay so I could relax.

Father's Day Gift Idea

This shirt is awesome!

Packing has begun.

Add caption

Josh is there. We are going there. Gotta get started on actually putting stuff in boxes and suitcases. Holy cow this is really coming fast.

Graduation

Look at my little singer.

Weighs just 30.3 pounds. 

Ready for the real world.

Photographer's children are well trained.

Thank God for amazing teachers.

The boys of the class. Cool if they could be friends all the way through.

Q&A with God

I hope when we get to Heaven there is time for a little Question and Answer session with God. After the majority ask for clarification on why there is suffering in the world, why there are wars, etc, I would like to drill our Creator about motherhood.

Specifically, why he made this is a hard gig.

Why did he gift me something that I absolutely love so much, but someone that can drive me absolutely crazy? Why did he allow us to desperately need "just a break" from our kids, but miss them the entire time we are apart? Why did he give women such great capacity for tolerance of all bodily fluids, but not men? Why did he allow this little teeny creature to have such (strong) free will so soon? Why did he make careless drivers, pedophiles, and diseases for me to worry about? Why did he allow for us to feel like we are failing every single day?

Yesterday I naturally thought a lot about motherhood a lot. But this year I think I was more focused on how I have changed in 6 years. Sitting there finalizing the packing list for China, recognizing that my list was all about how to make two little people comfortable and I have not even considered whether any of my stuff will fit in the suitcases or not. Mama Bear has taken over.

How quickly a person can change. I am sometimes unrecognizable to myself. As grounded and content I as I feel right now is coupled with the realities of motherhood: a sense of constant failure and concern for whether I am doing the right thing.

So, then comes the reality how to survive the rest of my life as a mother? I think that is where I have to look to the answers that God already gave us. He taught us to forgive ourselves (and others!), move forward, not get caught up in what our neighbor is doing, and continually strive to be like Him. Okay. I can do that. I can take those ideals and carry them with me everyday.

And thankfully that won't take up any room in the suitcase either.

Manic Monday

Just breathe.

Crystal Ball

Last week I got a view into my future. Hudson had "kindergarten week" at preschool meaning he was at school each day for extended time. The children had a variety of activities and specials to simulate the longer kindergarten school day. One day they even walked over to the local elementary building and --among other things-- played on a "real" playground. (I guess those slides and structures outside his preschool are just fake.)

It was such a great and strange experience. I had just one child for the 35 months prior to Tucker's birth. Hudson went everywhere with me, but always as this little baby and toddler. The zoo, the children's museum, grocery shopping was all done with a 0,1, or 2 year old. When Hudson starts kindergarten (well, pre-China anyway), Tucker was going to be 36 months old. So, I will get to go back to having just one kid during the day. However, this time, that little boy will be 3, 4, and 5 years old.

Isn't that cool?

I am really looking forward to having time with just Tucker. Naturally, he is a very different kid when it is just him. I also think it will be cool to experience the zoo, the children's museum, and so on with an older child.

Tucker's take on Kindergarten Week? Although I don't want to speak for him, I would venture to say, he really liked having so much attention. We had fun during our days, going on really long walks, the park, and shopping where he was the sole focus. On Tuesday, though, a morning when just Tucker went to preschool for 3 hours, when I picked him up and it was just the two of us in the car and I started to pull away, he SCREAMED out, "BABY!" I was confused at first and then he said, "Don't lose Baby!" (which is what he calls Hudson) I realized he was pretty worried that I was missing something, or someone, when I left without his brother in the car!

So, each day I anxiously picked up at 1:30 p.m. my big five year old and peppered him with questions, of course starting with the "What was the most exciting part of your longer day, Bud?" And on Monday the pattern of responses began.

Monday: "Well, actually today we had peanut butter and jelly for LUNCH and carrot sticks and…"

Tuesday: "Well, today we had actually the same lunch as yesterday only there was ice cream instead…"

Wednesday: "Well, today we had chicken nuggets and actually I ate all of mine and …."

Thursday: "Well, today we had quesadillas and they were good, but actually not as good as…"

The biggest attraction of kindergarten appears to be that there will be lunches within the school day. All those extra academics are just a waste of time. 

Words.

Mr. T used to just grumble the sound of a roaring engine instead of saying "Lighting McQueen" and he used to make the perfect tractor sound instead of saying "tractor".

So, I will just relish in the fact that Hudson refers to two days from now as "tomorrow tomorrow" and enjoy all mispronunciations while they last.

I wonder if I will be as cute as them if I just make noises for objects and mispronounce Mandarin words all over Asia?