Lotus Eaters

The smartest thing I read this week was not the proper pronunciation of "I need a bathroom" in my recently acquired Chinese for Dummies or some psychologist sharing a deeper understanding of what depression can do to ...well, all of us. (But both of those are valuable pieces of information...)

It was just a single sentence across a t-shirt found in a magazine. Four words that pretty much sum up a life lesson that I am coming to terms with right now.

Although I pride myself on being a life long learner, I still feel pretty silly  when I come across a mantra or philosophy so basic which never occurred to me before. So, you are welcomed to feel that I am simple-minded for this being an epiphany to a nearly 40 year old woman.

This gal was blown away to read this basic truth:

Hmmm....you already knew this? I remember learning that love was not just an emotion. But to really wrap my brain around love being something that you actively have to do each day is something I am learning every hour I am here.

While I am definitely the person who does not like laziness and those who play the victim role in life, I am also one who did not think about love as being something that required a level of constant work and action. I put a lot of effort into relationships that are important to me. This trip to China has stripped me of all aspects of my comfortable life bubble I cultivated back in fresh air-filled Franklin, Indiana. Here I am more than just a fish outta water, I am a fish trying to live in a whole new pond. The first fish has no choice, but to give up and lose hope. I am here trying to thrive.

Those friends and family who have put forth great effort and work to make sure that we know that they are thinking about us or praying for us really means so much. And when you realize that love is a verb, you recognize those who really love you. And you recognize those who don't.

I have confided in late night emails to the dearest of friends that I probably feel more overwhelmed by the prospect of making new China-based friends as I do continuing on with just my extremely long days with just my boys and little spoken adult interaction.  Why? I guess because on some level, as harsh as it sounds, I know that friendships require effort. They require trust. They require work. Putting forth all that effort can be hard at home in the kindest of circumstances. Coupled with everything here, it seems exhausting. Plus with my limited time in China, I am learning about a reality I read about in the expat books: making new friends in a foreign land is kind of like expiration dating. Why try when you know you will be moving on soon?

Ouch. That all sounded pretty bad. It does not sound much like me. My feelings have been a bit hurt lately. I feel I have been pretty transparent about the struggles of coming to this crazy place. I know that friends have been reading my blog. About 100 people a day are viewing it, and even if I subtract 25 of those views being my own mama checking to see if I have posted any new pictures, the other 75 views or so are people reading and moving on. While you might not think it to be much of a big deal, I would like to hear from you if you are reading this. A comment. A thought. A quick email. I sincerely appreciate those who have taken the time to show us love.

This blog is not some Facebook status that you skimmed over. You took the time to come to the kids' online history book I have started here. Write me a line. (I know you are thinking, "Three weeks in China and she already sounds like a dictator." But enough already. Show some love!)

Wuhan is a vast urban area with countless bodies of water. I have found great joy in photographing the lotus flowers each time I have had the chance. They continue to remind me of my teaching days and working through the (ridiculously long and quite dense) Odyssey with freshmen students. I would teach them about how in the land of the lotus eaters people had become lethargic and lazy from eating too much of the beautiful plant.

I must not allow myself to become lazy about love. About friendships. About family. I must remember what this experience has taught me about giving even more of myself for those whom mean so much to me.

And I must teach my boys that love is a verb.  It requires work and effort.  Maybe it is a simple truth we need on a t-shirt so we are constantly reminded of the implication it has on our lives.